our last days as three

Tomorrow, if the baby doesn't come on his own, I'm going to be induced. I'm okay with this. There is a part of me that wishes he would come out on his own and choose his own birthday but as I approach 42 weeks I accept the decision to go ahead and give him a little nudge. Plus, I'm almost 4cm dilated and am already 80% effaced. I've been in some stage of early labor for weeks already so the conditions are all favorable for a smooth and healthy delivery.

I was so certain he would come last week that when he didn't I was initially disappointed. I had been thinking that the best case scenario for us would have been for him to come while Matt was home for spring break so we would have an extra week together. And I was also feeling stressed and strange that I was home from work without having had the baby yet.

But as the week went on, and the baby chose to stay inside for a few more days, the opportunity to enjoy these last days with just the three of us became a wonderful gift. We went out to eat, we took long walks, we played baseball, we watched 'E.T.' for the first time (which Matteo loved). It was the best possible way to spend the break.









I have such a different mix of emotions with this baby's birth. Before Matteo was born I was excited, but had no idea what I was in for. There was such a greater sense of heading into the unknown. This time around I feel much more confident, and even MORE excited to meet this little one now that I know how much I love being a mother. But the flip side of that is I also feel really sensitive to the transition Matteo is about to go through, going from the only child to having to share me with another baby. Knowing this will be challenging for him makes me sad, although I know he's going to be a wonderful big brother.

My goal with Matteo over these next few months is to make sure I try to say yes more than no. To look at him when he's talking to me so he knows I'm really listening. And to remember that he is just a small child and no matter how big he's going to suddenly seem once there is a newborn in the house, he's also my baby and he needs me just as much as he always has.

Here's a little video of him and Matt playing baseball last week. He picks things up so quickly it's amazing. Here he's hitting a full-sized softball with a tiny aluminum bat our friends gave him for his birthday last year. That's my baby.

[flickr video=8610701498 secret=082f1cf741 w=400 h=225]

40w

Today is my due date. "Still pregnant!" is my response when anyone asks how I am.

Friday I was SURE I was about to go into labor. I had been having contractions since the night before and it just *felt* like things were on the cusp of progressing to the next level. I left work early, picked up Matteo, and came home to a houseful of friends watching basketball, drinking beer and cooking huge amounts of Mexican food for us. It was awesome and perfect.

And then the contractions stopped.

Since then I've been pretty crabby. I'm exhausted and achy and ready to get this show on the road. There is something about hitting - and passing - the due date that I find really frustrating. (Coincidentally, Matteo was also due on the 26th.) Even though you know that only 5% of women deliver on their actual due date, it's the answer to the question, it's the date circled on the calendar, it's the number stuck in your head from the day you find out your pregnant and are able to calculate when you are due. So when it comes and goes you're kind of like, "oh, ok...now what?"

Hopefully, this time around I won't have to wonder when for quite so many extra days.